Tuesday, March 10, 2009

My Own Orbit

I am a thinker. And an analyst. I like to roll ideas around in my head and see what comes out. I also like very much to write. I think I am a fair writer, but I might just also like the sound of my own words. Either way, I started this blog to get some of those ideas that roll around in my head out and down on paper (if you will, I guess this is electronic paper!). It makes me feel organized. Like there's one thing I can check off my endless to-do list in unraveling this crazy codependancy thing.

My posts thus far have served mostly as a venue to blow off some steam. It's my first tiny step toward surrender. I realize that I have to let go of some of these things, and for whatever reason this works. I have talked considerably about my qualifier, my husband, who is an alcoholic. What I haven't spent much time talking about is me. I guess that's a great example of my disease. Furthermore, after a lifetime of living in someone else's orbit, whether my father or my husband, I really don't know who I am. Well, maybe I do know. Maybe the issue is just that I don't know how to let the world know without fear of rejection.

This feels like a good place to begin to stretch out and begin to define the parameters of who I am. I like so very much the people I've met in this virtual Al-Anon world. It feels good to share with you all.


  1. Beautifully done! I am hearing you!

  2. hallo rosalia, i've found my way here via cat... welcome and i look forward to reading more of your thoughts.

  3. Hi, I am also here via my favorite blogger, Cat! I can see why she feels such a connection with you! You are a brilliant writer and I look forward to reading more and growing with you! My story...Mother of at least two alcoholic/addicts, daughter of alcoholics and addicts, new Al-Anon member, learning and finally obtaining some peace. Blessings, Lisa

  4. I just read Cat's blog and decided to take a trip over. Most of us, to a degree, like the sound of our own words, while some take it to the pathological. I doubt you do that.

    Maybe you partly know who you are & as you write more other parts will begin to have more clarity for you. Instead of writing scenarios in your head, write them here. ~Mary

  5. Hi. I just read Cat's blog and decided to come over and visit. You're a wonderful writer. I see and feel your emotion. I'm going to add you to my follower list if you don't mind. Your words are beautiful and strong -- I think your writing will help you find you to find "your" path. Believe in yourself.


  6. Hiyaaa, I'm a friend of Cat's. And man can I identify with what you're saying above. Here I am finally free to do as I please and I dont even know what to do! Because I'm not taking care of anyone..and I dont know what I want..and I'm exhausted..and I'm....well you get it :)
    Nice to meet you!

  7. Cat sent me this way, I hear what your saying, I just recently started Al-anon meetings and I'm not totally sure how to put much of what I hear and think into practice. I know that there is a me under the person that I have become, She's been screaming to be heard for years, but it's hard to let go of all the things that I've anchored myself to. I think it's going to take a bit of creativity to unearth her and flesh out the bones.

  8. Hello another visitor from Tourism of Minister Cat.
    Another person to back you up if you need it. Welcome to the community. Sorry I ate the muffin basket.