My perfectionism is rearing its ugly head today. I am almost manic with activity - I am the queen of multitasking; laundry, bills, taxes, dinner all being done at the same time. When I get tired of those tasks, I have a pile of 500 letters to sign for work, and two cars that I'm cleaning out trip by trip as I need to take a break and get some fresh air.
What is it about this place that we call codependancy? I am being absolutely brutal to myself, nearly every day. I'm either being too lazy or I'm going 90 mph, total slob or raging manical organizer. It seems to me the real challenge in all of this for me is balance. Why do I find it so difficult to have a routine, to do the same little tasks every day? Then I wouldn't find myself on days like these about to colapse from exhaustion.
Days like these I realize too how much I want and need a partner who is tuned into life and the things that need to be done. My husband is at a party watching basketball. I am really pissed off at him for being gone today, and yet, I love being in the house when he isn't here. It's when he's gone that I feel like I can move and live and do the things that do need to be done. What a strange dichotimous situation.
Some days I feel like I've made so much progress and then days like these hit and I realize just how far I have to go. I know I'm on the right road, and that helps so much. I just need to slow down and enjoy it. Hope you all have had a lovely weekend.
Merry Christmas
7 years ago
I strive for balance too. But I was also comforted by a counselor who helped me realize that I will always tend towards the lazy or 90mph extremes, as a creative and impulsive person. It's frustrating sometimes because I have a hard time keeping up routines, like you write about. But then I acknowledge that I get more done in my "90mph" states than some people ever do! Great post.
ReplyDeleteWow! This entry hit me on the head! I am at the LAZY and my house is disgusting because I have not set limits/expectations with those that live here! I surely need to find a happy medium! Blessings and enjoy your solitude today! Lisa
ReplyDeleteI used to think of myself as lazy, but now I'm wondering if I had that perception because nothing I did was ever good enough for my husband. He would walk by as I did half the dishes and criticize me for not doing ALL of the dishes - meanwhile not lifting a finger to help.
ReplyDeleteIt's going to be interesting for me to find out what my pace really is. Good, thought-provoking post. Allison
are you in my head or something??? i feel exactly the same about my hubby, and when he's away that i can do and move and live... strange isn't it. so yes, now it's monday, and another day to practice that strange thing called balance, heee heee heee. good luck!
ReplyDeleteI'm not lazy but the things that seemed so important before the program don't seem as urgent. I'm enjoying life and all that it has to offer. Slow down and enjoy it too.
ReplyDeleteI find that being balanced is the most difficult thing to learn to be comfortable in for myself...
ReplyDeleteBut being aware that there is that need for it does help me when I slip.
you will find your balance with time. and the great (?) thing about time is, it moves quickly and silently.
ReplyDeleteI used to need to fill up every free moment - constantly striving for something to be accomplished. One day I realized I was either living in the past or the future in my busy little brain. I work really hard at attempting to be in the present moment. It's far less exhausting.
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