My perfectionism is rearing its ugly head today. I am almost manic with activity - I am the queen of multitasking; laundry, bills, taxes, dinner all being done at the same time. When I get tired of those tasks, I have a pile of 500 letters to sign for work, and two cars that I'm cleaning out trip by trip as I need to take a break and get some fresh air.
What is it about this place that we call codependancy? I am being absolutely brutal to myself, nearly every day. I'm either being too lazy or I'm going 90 mph, total slob or raging manical organizer. It seems to me the real challenge in all of this for me is balance. Why do I find it so difficult to have a routine, to do the same little tasks every day? Then I wouldn't find myself on days like these about to colapse from exhaustion.
Days like these I realize too how much I want and need a partner who is tuned into life and the things that need to be done. My husband is at a party watching basketball. I am really pissed off at him for being gone today, and yet, I love being in the house when he isn't here. It's when he's gone that I feel like I can move and live and do the things that do need to be done. What a strange dichotimous situation.
Some days I feel like I've made so much progress and then days like these hit and I realize just how far I have to go. I know I'm on the right road, and that helps so much. I just need to slow down and enjoy it. Hope you all have had a lovely weekend.
Hello out there
7 months ago