I love the transformation that has begun. It seems to happen innocently enough, today as I was having lunch with a friend I had a swift and sudden realization - (wait for it - wait - wait) I have been letting my husbands action and/or inaction control my every move.
I finally see it. REALLY.
I know you may have been expecting something more dramatic, perhaps like the secret of life, but that realization feels like the secret to MY life. I have been pondering divorce and happiness, and how to decide how I will figure out what is the right and best thing to do for me. I have been telling myself that I would wait until the fall when my children are finally both in school, and if by then, my husband had not found a job and/or a program that he was really plugged into, THEN I could leave. To me, that sounded logical. Until today when I realized - gasp - that all of those things (other than the kids being enrolled in school which I have already taken care of) were out of my sphere of control.
Sounds so obvious, I know. I furthermore realized that I was waiting for him to screw up to justify my leaving. Oh lord.
I am amazed at how these things are slowly revealed to me, just a little at a time. As if the universe knows when it's time for me to learn a new lesson. And I am grateful for that. I want to take this new perspective and just soak it in for a while.
Hello out there
3 months ago